Active and healthy intimacy is critical in your marriage. With that, a lame sex-life is not God’s design for our spouse, so He’s given each of us the privilege to make it great for one another. That is, if we seek greatness. First, I’ll admit, this subject lends itself to a prism of highly charged emotions, from joy to dread and hope to despair, maybe even a little embarrassment, but indifference can’t be our default.

The reality is I meet with more couples who struggle in this area than are thriving and it slowly suffocates their marriage. So get uncomfortable if you must and press on.

What’s the big deal about healthy intimacy? Why can’t we just coast? Let’s start from the beginning. Read Genesis 1 and 2. Recap: God created man (Adam) and gave him two key ingredients for whole life : 1) A relationship with the Creator, and 2) a job to care for His Creation. So everything seems kosher, except God declares things incomplete for Adam, “No suitable helper was found…, etc.” God crafts Eve out of Adam’s essence and presides over the first marriage ceremony. By the end of chapter 2, God has proclaimed sexual intimacy as the ultimate act and symbol of their closeness with Himself and each other. “And they will be come ‘one flesh.’” That’s right, a husband and wife’s sexual pursuit and fulfillment towards their spouse symbolizes the overall climate of their spiritual and emotional connectivity. Disclaimer: This doesn’t mean they’re always going to the stratosphere sexually, but it does mean they seek to regularly please each other in this critical area.

Genesis depicts Adam and Eve as “naked.” Yes, literally they had no clothes on, but also they had no emotional walls or spiritual secrets that held them back from God’s intent upon their relationship. Overall, to make “one flesh” a major priority will clear the path to lay our true hearts bare and without secrets.

But, then the world gets crazy in Genesis 3 and sin takes over everything, which includes sexual greatness among husbands and wives. And today, our marriages fight the ghost of past promiscuity, divorce, pornography, former abuse and everyday family dysfunctions. All these sins and more build walls, false expectations and major let downs for both spouses. And, the marriage suffocates and often dies a slow death over time.

If you want to move forward in “oneness” in your marriage and/or heal from past sexual wounds and mistakes, here are some great resources:

1) Sheet Music by Kevin Leman Amazon.com
2) Sex Begins in the Kitchen by Kevin Leman Amazon.com
3) Intended for Pleasure by Dr. Ed Wheat Amazon.com
4) Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex by Linda Dillow & Lorraine Pintas Amazon.com