I question why God lets me be a dad sometimes. Yep, I broke my daughters heart recently by trying to fit her with a dream that was not her own.

Landyn came home from 4th grade and said she’d picked the instrument she wants to learn throughout her school career. This is great, I thought. She’s probably chosen wisely, something that will take her far in life, like the piano or something with strings. Think Alicia Keyes on the ivory, or Taylor Swift on the guitar. It’s terrible, but I tuned out for a second and daydreamed her performance at the Grammy Awards; the family was all front and center with John Mayer.

Then she said, “I’m going to learn the flute, Daddy.”

“The flute? Oh? Okay…that’s nice.” Like her mother, she can smell pretence from miles away.

“Do you like the flute, Daddy?” I don’t think the question was a trap, but definitely some female sonar.

“Do you like the flute?” I deflected. Inside, I was thinking, she can’t be serious. What good will it do her future? Unless she’s in a Jethro Tull cover band, she’ll never make a living as a musician. It just didn’t make sense to play the flute.

So, the next morning I delicately asked her, “Landyn, what do you think about learning the violin instead of the flute?” Here’s how I figured it: Choose the violin and learn the notes, transfer it someday to the fretboard. You know, play guitar later in life. My plan was foolproof.

She looked in my eyes and then down towards the floor and then back at me again. Tears now dripped down her skin and then she sniffled. Her heart was smashed like a warehouse pane and I had been the vandal.

Immediately, my aloofness came full circle and it was clear that I had wounded her. She accepted my repeated apologies and later said I was taking it way too serious.

Truth is, I didn’t get it at first; I had missed the point. The flute isn’t about a foreseeable step towards her future career success. Instead, it’s her learning to truly love the beauty and mystery of music…and all that. But more so, it’s her knowing that her dad will be there and be proud of her dreams.

Step back, Jon, embrace her dreams and have a relationship with your daughter.