Most men don’t cry. At least we don’t do so easily. The rare instances we might tear up there is usually a major smack-down with our soul before the soul sends us to the mat and finally pins us. Don’t you do this to me! Afterwards, we almost feel betrayed by our own emotional prison guards. Like the two of them (heart and mind) got together and conspired against us. How could you let this happen? We scold them like children and sentence them to the dungeon. Took care of that.

I read somewhere years ago that men don’t cry for two major reasons: 1) We are taught not to; you know, big boys don’t cry and get some grit in your throat, boy. And 2) we are afraid. If we cry, then it reveals weakness and vulnerability. Of course, that is unacceptable, because the word gets out that we’re one of “those guys.” Losing respect on the streets of Guy-town could be the kiss of death. Eventually, our cry muscle atrophies or, worse, spills over uncontrollably. Yes, either the river dries up (callused and alone) or the levee breaks completely (nervous breakdown).

I got convicted about this as I continued to study Jesus and realized that he cried. And yet, somehow I expected him to be emotionally whole and honest about what’s going on inside. So, I just said, “That’s one part of Jesus I don’t think I could ever get.” To be honest, I don’t know how I justified that line of thinking as a man who seeks to be led by Christ. Nevertheless, I just refused to accept that crying was spiritually healthy, but instead a major liability. To cry means I’m a lesser man. It’s ironic, because I guess somehow I was subconsciously telling myself that Jesus was less of a man, too.

Then I uncovered a theory stated by Norman Schwarzkopf’s, the army general who won Desert Storm back in the early ‘90s, and he helped me understand Jesus more. I think he was quoted in a John Eldridge book or something. Anyway, it’s strange, I know, to learn Jesus from a general, but here is how it played out: The general is the typical man’s man, I thought–grit, glory, God and country. Then something he wrote about men who don’t cry startled me. He admitted that he does not trust a man who does not cry. Why? I wondered. What he concluded was both scary and liberating for me. A man who does not cry, he continued, is a man who is hiding something.

Hiding something? Yes, if a man does not expose the rawest of his emotions, it’s because there is another man (or boy) in there he does not want others to know about. And it’s that hidden boy that will sabotage anyone to make sure he remains protected. Like Jesus, it seems Schwarzkopf had figured out something about how men are wired and are supposed to live best and most free. Be honest about everything, even what’s sad, confusing and our of our control (most everything).

This was eye opening for me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t cry at the drop of a hat (protection statement), but now I let the tears role when they are ready…much more often. Just trying to keep it real fellas. Maybe we all should.